Dynamics of Friends in Love and Art

There is “the thing”. And “the thing” is created by beautiful people.
The world, of course, gets a wee bit rocky. Smiles masquerade on the surface. An air of “Heal, soothe, love...and keep secrets” permeates - simultaneously upholding beauty while mitigating truth. Interesting dichotomy. No need to share the extraneous info that may cause a friend pain. Stay strong. Protect the friendships, the people.
And a pattern of not being honest about emotions and actions and a lack of communication (save for the sake of creation) is established.
But a line is crossed. More negativity seeps in.
Protect friends – and certainly “the thing!” This will all soon be smoothed over and when all is said and done the negativity will seem trivial the love will prevail and we will still all have “the thing.”
And another line is crossed.
Denial. Denial for the sake of needing concrete proof prior to a firm accusation? Or denial simply for the sake of protecting the friendship?
Some people might not deserve protecting…but oh “the thing!” And there was once love here…. Fuck love. A line was crossed. Stop protecting. But, oh, “the thing!”
Where does that line end and people begin being real?
And what speech there is: vague, obtuse circles. Our strengths? Communicating through art about culture and politics - not through speech about emotions in our personal realities.
And I – probably the least invested – still bottle it up.

frolicking toward the future

Two weeks is a very short period of time.
Twee weeks ago, this month had not yet begun, and now it's half over. February sucks like that, but the other months ain't too much better.
And so I wonder how just shy of three weeks without a day job has left my apartment a shambles, my bills neglected, my music still unfinished, my to-do list a mere two bullet points shorter, and my belly and thighs a whole butt-load bigger.
Excitedly I sat to work in front of the computer, prepared submit to music and Fringe Festivals, only to find that the latter were already past submission, save for those that cost an excess of $400 dollars to submit to.
Hello. I'm an artist. Do I have $400 or $500 to pay someone else to let me perform at their festival? Paricularly after traveling there and securing accomodations? And particularly EIGHT months in advance!? These festivals thrive on new works, and thus are usually accepting shows that are not yet finished. Do I have enough faith in my work that I believe I can recoup $500 + in ticket sales for a show that I haven't even finished yet, let alone witnessed reactions to!?
The answer is no.
And so, I set out simply submitting to music festivals.
I'll probably spend $700 on cds. Copies of crappy quality cds that I self produced and recorded at home. I'll spend several humdreds of dollars (probably $400) submitting to festivals and purchasing memberships to various online services that assist in the touring needs of solo musicians.
And then I'll hope that I book enough shows that driving rather randomly across the country several times is atleast worth my while as far as exposure. ('Cuz I certainly won't make shit.) I say very randomly, 'cuz it's virtually impossible to book any sort of coherent path connecting logical cities' festivals. As in: can I make it from Vancouver to Austin in four days, then to Atlanta three days later, then go back out to Denver the following week? Or should I just skip Atlanta in that mix? It's a freaking headache. And a heart attack.
And I don't want to do this alone.
Not sure that I'm even capable of doing this.
But if I do it - just once, I can cross it off the list and move the fuck on and stop incessantly dreaming.
I just have to be willing to let my dreams be shattered.