Cloudy Brain Babble

In each new city I start over with nothing, and all my experience becomes words on a page, and thus I continuously begin on the bottom rung. Not the most productive way to progress any higher. Here there is an odd feeling of being on an entirely different ladder, one which oft seems somehow beneath the other. This ladder is of my own creation, molded by my own hands, and thus, I love and cherish it far more than the previously manufactured hunk of metal that I struggled to come to terms with.
But oh, man did I fuck it up: broken rungs my foundation.
Never have I so struggled to fit in. Too weak and insecure to blatantly state my worth, so I lurk inferior in the shadow of my peers. And bemoan the mistakes I've made that put me in this hole.
I'm confident that my next new city, the next ladder I create will be far superior. I am fortunate to be one who learns from my mistakes. The urge to start over, and do it right, elevated beyond this current subterranean stance is tugging at my soul harshly right now.
Someone broke into my car, smashing my window, my license is gone, my cell phone is broken, and the new job I'm currently negotiating contracts with necessitates the aforementioned items. And needs proof of their existence NOW.
Job offers in other cities beckon me to mountain towns and a fresh start.
I've been told in the past that my relocating is "running". In the past, I'd disagree: expired contracts, blown engines, fate. If I left here now, it WOULD be running.
But I have so much to offer, to give. I can positively impact communities and successfully further my artistic career. Life has enough obstacles with the ghetto and very distant interpersonal bullshit.
This is so close to being home.