older n wiser - sibling rivalry
My brother farted on me.
He has some high clearance security government job that I probably shouldn’t talk about, where he happens to be boss and co-owner.
He is 25 years old.
His income is at least 6 figures more than mine will ever be.
He then proceeded to put me in a head lock and force my face into the wake of the fumes.
Minutes later I was chased through out my parents’ new town home with the threat of impalement by Swiffer.
He is now standing before me intermittently flexing and throwing paper leaves lamely in my direction. He ends the display with a pirouette.
In September my family coerced me to return to Jersey for Thanksgiving. “All the cousins will be there, even Eileen and Zack. There will probably be 30 people – you need to come home!”
“Mom – no. Unless it’s just the five of us, I’m not going back there.”
Mother was shockingly horrified to find that all the kids are against the annual overly-extended family pretend we like each other and catch up moment.
My sister just poked her head in to where I sit now and type: “Are you okay?”
I nod, too tired for any more energetic of a response.
“You’ve been so quiet ever since I told you that you don’t branch out enough.”
Anyone who actually knows me must get a good chuckle over any human being insinuating that I don’t “branch out enough” or that I’m “not open-minded” and don’t delve into other walks of life.
This was a significant portion of Thanksgiving dinner conversation. A far cry from last year’s incredibly humorous quintet experience which prompted this years request for immediate family only.
A dangerous debate of them vs. me ensued that centered around somewhat opposing theories of “terrorists are taking over the world” vs. “the US is taking over the world.”
Suddenly my sister, the tax lawyer, chimes with “you just are incredibly biased against anyone in corporate America.”
My bro ads: “Yeah. All your friends are artists and flaming gay men”
“And they are all poor” ads my dad.
“And?”
“So you need to branch out, expand your horizons and discover different kinds of people.”
Me!?! I’m incredulous. I know 40 times more people than your average Joe. I associate with every human being in my path, blind to any sort of social status or race or level on the executive ladder. The small percentage of folks I choose to foster friendships with hail from all walks of life, yet have ended up – by following their own individual passions and interests – in a similar circle/situation as me. My critics are folks who stayed close to home following the typically prescribed path from four year school to four year school to six figure income to high-priced home owner.
My experiences and social rings and random adventures follow no known lineage and enrich beyond any four-walled, fluorescent-lit, work-to-impress-the-partners environment. This by no means suggests that I have anything against anyone else’s chosen line of work. I think my siblings absolutely rock, and are incredibly interesting and politically liberal and fun and….
But branch out?! I don’t have time for the few friends I currently have!
“You think I have time?” My sister and I are on similar time-crunch schedules, though mine is significantly more self imposed. “Well I found time to join a street hockey team and meet and discover a whole new world of interesting people.”
“And I’ve started bicycle racing and riding with a group.”
“Yeah but that’s not a team sport!”
“So?”
“So you need to meet new people.”
“Why?”
“Because you need to expand your horizons.”
She reads Vogue and Cosmo. She should really borrow some of my literature. She works with a bunch of stiff ass, boring old lawyers. She used to rag on me for exposing my bra strap under a tank top and “not sitting like a lady”.
The new people on her street hockey team that have so enlightened her to different walks of life – are all musicians and artists and radio folk.
I don’t give a shit what someone’s profession is. (well, sort of) I’m not opposed to folks who work in corporate America (well, sort of) But if we don’t have similar interests….who has time to know everyone on the planet? ‘Cuz I’m closer to attaining that unachievable un-goal than any of my critics will ever conceive. But unless we meet at an art opening or discussing local live music scene or debating the merits of a theatrical performance or engaging in a truly intriguing political debate or riding bicycles together, why would I ever put time into nurturing a friendship with you? Because it may be the only potential job sector where less than three of my friends sought employment and my siblings seem to think more corporate-employed friends would benefit my psyche and expand my social consciousness!?
I suggested they befriend some pimps, hookers, and Cubans off the boat working in the back of restaurant.
They called me a narrow-minded hippie.
I suggested they go meet and befriend someone who is actually a real hippie.
I liked last Thanksgiving better.
He has some high clearance security government job that I probably shouldn’t talk about, where he happens to be boss and co-owner.
He is 25 years old.
His income is at least 6 figures more than mine will ever be.
He then proceeded to put me in a head lock and force my face into the wake of the fumes.
Minutes later I was chased through out my parents’ new town home with the threat of impalement by Swiffer.
He is now standing before me intermittently flexing and throwing paper leaves lamely in my direction. He ends the display with a pirouette.
In September my family coerced me to return to Jersey for Thanksgiving. “All the cousins will be there, even Eileen and Zack. There will probably be 30 people – you need to come home!”
“Mom – no. Unless it’s just the five of us, I’m not going back there.”
Mother was shockingly horrified to find that all the kids are against the annual overly-extended family pretend we like each other and catch up moment.
My sister just poked her head in to where I sit now and type: “Are you okay?”
I nod, too tired for any more energetic of a response.
“You’ve been so quiet ever since I told you that you don’t branch out enough.”
Anyone who actually knows me must get a good chuckle over any human being insinuating that I don’t “branch out enough” or that I’m “not open-minded” and don’t delve into other walks of life.
This was a significant portion of Thanksgiving dinner conversation. A far cry from last year’s incredibly humorous quintet experience which prompted this years request for immediate family only.
A dangerous debate of them vs. me ensued that centered around somewhat opposing theories of “terrorists are taking over the world” vs. “the US is taking over the world.”
Suddenly my sister, the tax lawyer, chimes with “you just are incredibly biased against anyone in corporate America.”
My bro ads: “Yeah. All your friends are artists and flaming gay men”
“And they are all poor” ads my dad.
“And?”
“So you need to branch out, expand your horizons and discover different kinds of people.”
Me!?! I’m incredulous. I know 40 times more people than your average Joe. I associate with every human being in my path, blind to any sort of social status or race or level on the executive ladder. The small percentage of folks I choose to foster friendships with hail from all walks of life, yet have ended up – by following their own individual passions and interests – in a similar circle/situation as me. My critics are folks who stayed close to home following the typically prescribed path from four year school to four year school to six figure income to high-priced home owner.
My experiences and social rings and random adventures follow no known lineage and enrich beyond any four-walled, fluorescent-lit, work-to-impress-the-partners environment. This by no means suggests that I have anything against anyone else’s chosen line of work. I think my siblings absolutely rock, and are incredibly interesting and politically liberal and fun and….
But branch out?! I don’t have time for the few friends I currently have!
“You think I have time?” My sister and I are on similar time-crunch schedules, though mine is significantly more self imposed. “Well I found time to join a street hockey team and meet and discover a whole new world of interesting people.”
“And I’ve started bicycle racing and riding with a group.”
“Yeah but that’s not a team sport!”
“So?”
“So you need to meet new people.”
“Why?”
“Because you need to expand your horizons.”
She reads Vogue and Cosmo. She should really borrow some of my literature. She works with a bunch of stiff ass, boring old lawyers. She used to rag on me for exposing my bra strap under a tank top and “not sitting like a lady”.
The new people on her street hockey team that have so enlightened her to different walks of life – are all musicians and artists and radio folk.
I don’t give a shit what someone’s profession is. (well, sort of) I’m not opposed to folks who work in corporate America (well, sort of) But if we don’t have similar interests….who has time to know everyone on the planet? ‘Cuz I’m closer to attaining that unachievable un-goal than any of my critics will ever conceive. But unless we meet at an art opening or discussing local live music scene or debating the merits of a theatrical performance or engaging in a truly intriguing political debate or riding bicycles together, why would I ever put time into nurturing a friendship with you? Because it may be the only potential job sector where less than three of my friends sought employment and my siblings seem to think more corporate-employed friends would benefit my psyche and expand my social consciousness!?
I suggested they befriend some pimps, hookers, and Cubans off the boat working in the back of restaurant.
They called me a narrow-minded hippie.
I suggested they go meet and befriend someone who is actually a real hippie.
I liked last Thanksgiving better.
posted by Lindsay at 7:12 PM
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