Epstein High

The highlight of the evening was the Epstein re-enactment of a sport stadium audience stoned. This, of course, would solve the continuing controversy on how to squelch the violent tempers of fans. Somewhere along the way, bi-sexual bathrooms were suggested, by my father, nonetheless. We all thought this was a humorous proposition, envisioning stalls that encourage sexual relations with either sex, thinking this a great distraction from violence, until it became apparent that my fathers intention was not such humor. He meant unisex. Our laughter became shocked abhorrence as it dawned on us that he was seriously unaware of the true meaning of bi-sexual. Particularly a point of interest, since Joey is usually so fond of pointing out the bi-sexual tendencies and lesbian potential of his eternally single sisters. Our respect for Melvy’s perceived intelligence took a nose dive as he misused the term heterosexual and the extent of his asexuality was unveiled. Then, the greatest shocker of them all: a conversation of my past employs caused my sister to say “Linds, you should do another Renaissance Faire.” To which I replied, “No. Among other things – there’s just no money.” And then the moment the earth shook. Dad said, “So? Money’s not the important thing.” The room was filled with riotous laughter most of the evening, but suddenly silence dropped like a brick. Finally, Joey cut the air. “Dad, you okay?” Finally laughter was restored as my father defended his seemingly new-found belief in the over-riding importance of happiness. “That was byfar the most un-Melvin statement ever.” “Have you been to going to therapy?” “Were you abducted by aliens?” Really, the question that still lingers for me is – has he finally given in and accepted me, or even better – did I actually influence and alter his stubborn beliefs? Either way, this Thanksgiving I have more reasons to be full of thanks than ever.